


Panophobia

by DestielsDestiny



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, BAMF Magnus Bane, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Jocelyn's A+ Parenting, M/M, Phobias, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Alec Lightwood, Sweet Magnus, Triggers, Vomiting, Warlock Jace sorta, hurt jace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-14 11:51:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9180286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestielsDestiny/pseuds/DestielsDestiny
Summary: The first time Jace flinches at something, nobody reacts.





	

**Author's Note:**

> The season 2 premiere left me with a lot of feels. Panophobia means fear of everything.

It starts with needles. Or at least, that’s the first thing anyone really notices being an issue. Alec doubts it was actually needles, but it’s the closest they’re going to get by guessing, and he’s certainly not asking. 

They get Jace back finally, from Valentine, from the Clave, just as things are heating up between said groups, and Jace hasn’t even so much as showered before they are plunged into yet another skirmish. 

Alec isn’t sure how the demon gets past Jace, because far from being slowed down by his lingering wounds, Jace seems faster than he’s ever been. 

Yet somehow, a stray tentacle leads them here, to the infirmary, and his brother flinching so badly at a seemingly innocuous syringe lying on a tray three beds over that the infirmary staff actually back up several feet. Alec glares and calls Magnus. 

After, he and Izzy get rid of anything vaguely needle shaped they can get their hands on.  
Naively, he figures that will be the end of it. 

00

Simon is the one who coaxes Jace out of a corner when someone wears a metal bracelet in plain view. Clary helps Alec dispose of all the handcuffs they can find. 

Lydia is the one who throws out every sweater with shoulder patches in the Institute. Alec is pretty sure that that had nothing to do with fashion. He thinks. 

Max puffs himself up and threatens to set anyone who uses a punching bag in Jace’s presence on fire. 

00  
By the time they get to Jace violently sicking up in the Ops center at the smell of fresh spaghetti, even Victor Aldertree is starting to look worried. 

Alec cynically wonders if the Clave has decided sicking up your lunch on their representative’s shoes constitutes signs of demonic behaviour now, but then he sees Jocelyn hovering out of the corner of his eye, and getting Jace as far away from her as possible is promptly the only thing on his mind. 

They emerge from the cellars three days later to find Jocelyn has moved in with Luke, and spaghetti has been outlawed from the Institute by order of the Clave. 

Alec still doesn’t like Victor. But he hates him a little less than he did yesterday. 

00

When Jace has a seizure from the rattling of the elevator doors, Alec gives up and packs them both a bag. 

They show up on Magnus’ doorstep at four in the morning, but the warlock doesn’t so much as bat an eye. Or ask any questions. Alec is so kissing him for that later. 

Then Magnus throws a ball of magic at Jace’s head. Alec is the one who flinches this time.  
Only to stop mid-blink, and stare at the ball of whispy blue light his parabatai is holding. 

Jace slowly cups his hands together, smoke and light and colour swirling before his face. But even the dazzle of colours is not enough to disguise the slow smile washing across his face. 

Jace has never flinched from Magnus. Alec hadn’t thought much of it, because Jace never flinched around him either. But it occurs to him only now, somehow, that Jace has flinched at everyone else, everything else, even Max.

Staring at his parabatai holding his boyfriend’s raw magic in his hands, Alec feels his face begin to freeze with horrified shock. 

Because he's finally getting it. Getting it even as he watches it break Magnus’ heart, the very same way he knows it is breaking his. Viscerally, cruelly. A hidden time bomb left behind by a man they both hate more now than they did five minutes ago, if that were even possible. Because he has somehow just realized that this was never about Jace fearing things, fearing them. It's never been about him being afraid for hiimself. It was about him fearing himself. Being afraid of himself. Fearing what danger he was putting them in. Fearing what danger he was to them. 

Alec can throw out all the triggers in the world, but it won’t make a damn bit of difference if Jace’s biggest trigger is himself. 

Being in love with Magnus Bane taught Alec that magic is beautiful. That is means safety, care, protection. That it means love. The very things Jace has been taught to fear his entire life.

Alec had hoped there wasn't anything more that Valentine Morgenstern could take from his youngest son. 

Still, watching his boyfriend watch his parabatai slowly caress a ball of magic and light that has somehow started to turn the most beautiful fiery ocher Alec has ever seen, he lets that hope remain. 

Lets it alone, and lets himself hope that one day, it may just catch alight.

And grow. 

00

They get Jace back as the claxons are blaring, demons flooding into too many parts of the city to count. Alec throws Jace a seraph blade, as he’s done a thousand times before. 

It hits the floor with a clang. Alec never quite forgets Jace’s eyes in that moment. 

Or the words that never quite stop haunting them all. 

“I don’t want to hurt anyone Alec.”

Said the boy with the pure demon blood in his veins. 

The boy they all blamed, for the crime of existing. 

The boy who once looked a wild hawk in the eye, and saw himself.


End file.
